to blog or not to blog. . .

Recently, I've come across blogs and posts that talk of Korea being a bad place to live. . .they say it is complicated, frustrating, and miserable--not what they imagined. Hmmmmmm. . .and so I ponder. . .

pondering. . .

now, I'm thinking. . .

oh, wait. . .

nope, pondering again. . .

deep in thought. . .

wait, Yes!

oh no. . .one more, yes now I'm thinking again. . .

and I'm back. . .

with nothing insightful, but this is what I have to say. . .my second night in Seoul, I was fiddling with a door that would not open, and I sighed with great disdain. . "nothing works in Korea!" and it's true. . .nothing does. . .everything is different and frustrating. . hamburgers don't taste right, I can't read a damn thing, and it took me three days to figure out how to get warm water. . .and well, that is why I came here. . .

Why should we spend all of our lives being comfortable?? What is the adventure in that?? I have found myself in some pretty craptastic places. . .I once stayed in a shack crawling with cockroaches, a revolting bathroom (we are talking feces everywhere), and a bed that made my skin crawl to lay in it. . .but when I woke up, walked out my front door, there, right in front of me was the beautiful blue Caribbean offering perfect beauty and serenity. . .despite the rough night in the shack, to wake up to such splendor made it all worth it. One time I spent three incredibly cold nights in an apartment under construction, that barely had running water, but every morning I got to wake up to Amanda Fucking Palmer playing piano. . .I guess comfort (or lack of it) is manageable. . .I like being uncomfortable. . .because it means something great is waiting for me. . .

Yes, Korea is intimidating. . .every morning I wake up thinking, "what the hell? how am I going to do this or that?" or my favorite thought. . ."wait, how do I say 'hello'?" or "wow, I don't know anyone. . .I really would like to talk to a friend right now." It took me a week to figure out how I dispose of my trash. . .(yeah, there are no traditional dumpsters). . .but it's these little hurtles that I find exciting. I love not knowing how things are done, and I have to figure it out. . .I have to figure it out or I don't survive. Maybe one of my ancestors was an explorer of sorts. . .I guess I just get very bored in the day to day american life. . .where I know exactly how it all works. . .

that's not to say, that those people who live those lives are stupid or bad or boring. . .

if you ask me they're lucky. . .I peer into their lives from time to time, and long for it. I see my friends doing amazing things and living incredible lives. . .my best friend knows how to make an old dining room set brand new again by simply relining the chairs, and she can carry her 8 month old daughter in one arm, wrap her in a towel and dump out the bathwater, while cooing to the baby in her ear. . .her husband can make delicious coffee, make his daughter smile and laugh, and kick some major ass at rock band. . .these things, simply astonish me. . .I mean, they brought a whole other person into the world, and she truly is the coolest baby ever. . .

what can i do??

I can do a bit of this and that. . .and go here and there. . .and I can laugh while doing it. . .I can wander a street market in Korea on a warm Sunday afternoon, and find perfect pleasure in the smells, the sounds, and the sights. . .I can make a room full of Korean kids laugh by talking in a funny voice. . .that's not to say you can't do those things. . .it's just to say, that's what I do. . .for right now. . .

I guess, I find contentment in this adventure, as much as it intimidates me. . .truly, I think life in general intimidates me. . .and maybe it should be daunting to all of us. . .we've been given this major task. . .we've been given a life, a chance, to do something great. . .and that very idea should be so overwhelming that it causes us to do things outside of our comfort zone from time to time. . .whether that is having a child, moving to Korea, or even buying whole milk instead of skim. . .

like Emile Zola I said. . ."i am an artist, i am here to live out loud." But I don't want that to be the only quote I leave you with, seeing as the latter is something they say on the Oxygen channel all the time. . .

So I leave you with this my furry friends. . .

"I do not accept any absolute formulas for living. No preconceived code can see ahead to everything that can happen in a man's life. As we live, we grow and our beliefs change. They must change. So I think we should live with this constant discovery. We should be open to this adventure in heightened awareness of living. We should stake our whole existence on our willingness to explore and experience." --Martin Buber

and this one. . ."to live would be an awfully big adventure." --Peter Pan--J.M. Barrie

ooh, three quotes in one blog. . .saucy. . .:)