blood, urine, and a hole

Today was the first day of training. . .I had four tests and insight to the rest of the week.

I had studied hard, so the tests went relatively smoothly. I passed them all, and proved that I do know a bit about my native tongue. Once that was over, I was confident in the rest of my day. My fellow trainees came in all different ages and from all over. We have some Koreans, Kiwis, and Canadians too! The most interesting thing, is that Katrina and I are the only ones who don't already live in Korea. . .the other trainees have been living in Korea for some time. . .so lucky. . .

After a brief introduction to each other and the coming week. . .it was off to Seoul Medical Center, and then things go interesting, if not disturbing.

Working for Chungdahm requires you go through a basic medical examination to make sure you are in good health and not a drug user. It seems simple enough, right? But then, this is my life and things are never quite that simple.

Let me set the scene. . .

Korean hospitals are state run, so it is much like walking into a DMV. You walk up, take a number, and wait for it to be called. Patients are all over. . .in gurneys, hooked to IVs and sitting in chairs. The hospital jammies they get to wear seem quite comfy, and I was hoping to get a pair, who knew they were actually in my future. Upon entering, an interpreter comes up to us, and tells leads us through the first few steps of paperwork and passports and photos. There was a lot of shuffling of papers. . .then he tells us to follow the red line up two floors, and we will be told what to do next. The red line ends in a room where, a woman tells us to follow the green line. . .

Green line to a door. . .sign that says "out to lunch".

So we wait.

wait.

wait.

Eventually, the door opens and a lady comes to gather our papers and tells us to write down our name and passport numbers. (at this point, I would like to mention how thankful I was for the two fluent speaking Koreans in our group, otherwise things would've been a lot messier). Then they call us in and the testing begins.

The first room is simple stuff-- height and weight, vision and hearing, and blood pressure. The only hiccup during my visit to this room was after the blood pressure the nurse asked me to stand up, and as I did she shouted at me something else, so I thought I miss heard, and sat back down, then she shouted at me a little louder, did a hand gesture that seemed to say stand, so again I stand up. Then, she shouted at me again, so I quickly sat back down. . .then more shouting. . .more standing. . .shouting. . .sitting. . .We played this game for about 2 minutes (my interpreter was gone--why was I all alone now??). Stand up. Sit down. Stand up. Sit down. Maybe this was another test?? A sense of humor test perhaps?? Definitely passing because all I could do was laugh, and laugh hard. . .finally I realized she was saying blue line when I stood up. . .she just wanted me to stand up and walk to the blue line. (Korean hospitals are very big on color coded lines) After this incident, I made a note to be with my Korean speaking friends at all times for the rest of the tests. . .

of course, I am never that lucky.

Green line to the x-ray room. . .

Asked to remove my clothes and put on a fancy yet oh so soft shirt (not the stylish jammies the other patients got--but perhaps its cuz I'm not Korean citizen paying taxes towards those comfy jammies). It was x-ray time. Typical. . .nothing exciting. . .just more shouting. I wish I could explain that I am not deaf. . .and I am not ignoring them. . .I just don't understand a bit of what they are saying, and I do know I am to blame for that. Maybe this is just a form of punishment for being an idiot foreigner? I wish they knew there was no need to make me feel like an idiot, I already do that fine all by myself.

Red line to the blood specimen room. . .

Taking of the blood was not so bad. . .then I was handed a cup told to go into the bathroom and pee into it--the cup. Seems so incredibly simple. I have completed this task multiple times. . .So, having drank two nalgenes full of water, I walked confidently into the bathroom, and then into a stall. However, instead of finding a porcelain throne to awkwardly pee into a cup over, there is just porcelain hole in the ground. I stand there for a minute contemplating the situation. . .so in this public restroom with people coming and going, I have to crouch over a hole, hold a cup underneath me, and pee. WHAT?!!? No!!! There is no way I am going to be successful! I am the most uncoordinated individual, and they are asking way too much of me.

After staring at the hole for a matter of minutes, I realize I have no other choice, what else can I do. . .but manage. So, I begin the uncomfortable process. . .everything was going okay, until I realized that the vein in which they use to extract blood was not quite finished giving of itself and was pouring down my arm into the cup, and all over the porcelain hole.

That little vein just kept on giving. . .

and giving. . .

and giving. . .

so now I was precariously balanced, pants down, trying to hold a cup full of urine, clean up blood, and finish peeing. . definitely regretting the 64 ounces of water I was so proud of consuming prior to entering the bathroom. . .I slipped and slid. . .fell on my knees. . .tore my pants but eventually completed the task. . .too much more detail will cause you to want to rip out your mind's eye, so I will stop there. . .Cleansed myself and my area. . . and then put my urine in a basket in a hallway, exposed to the elements. . .most likely contaminated by my own blood, and I will probably have to take the test tomorrow. Only 32 ounces of water, and no taking of the blood prior to the test.

Good times.

Following that debacle. . .Katrina, Mee-ha, and I made our way to Insung-dong. . .a beautiful market street. . .had some delicious tofu and seafood and kimchi. . .I do love dining at Korean restaurants. For them it is not only about taste but color. . .simply put, it is always a beautiful and elegant and most importantly CHEAP. Using metal chopsticks is definitely proving to be difficult. But Mee-ha gave us some great pointers, as well as laughed at us. It was perfect.

Well, I am exhausted and I have some studying to do. . .

and so my furry friends. . .the quote I leave you with is this. . .

"you grow up on the day you have your real first laugh at yourself." --ethel barrymore.