a walk home. . .prepare for deep thoughts, but not the Jack Handy Kind

so, i walk home down the same alley just about every day.

there is nothing extraordinary about this alley. it is full of cars, trash, and cats. Occasionally, I get honked at while wandering back to my house. I don't mind it so much. I drop off my friends at their place of residence and move on. . .

tonight was different. . .

The reader's digest version. . .things on the "strip" turned out pretty standard. The guys I was with found the people they wanted to go home with. This sentence may sound snide, but it is not meant to sound like that. I appreciate all people and their encounters and the pleasure that ensues because of those encounters. . .I have never been a hater when it comes to physical pleasure. The only reason I mention the hook-ups, is that on seeing this, I realized the time had come for me to wander home. . .and so I did. . .

I stopped at a friend's house where we had conversation and laughter, an then I entered the alley. . .

The first thing I came across was a cat. . .scavenging out of the trash. . .not an abnormal sight in Korea mind you. . .however, I then came across what looked like a bloody piece of string and dirty fabric. Being the person I am, I had to investigate this "something" that seemed so strange in the street. . .upon further inspection, I discovered it was kitten. . .having been run over by a vehicle of sorts. It happens on a daily basis all over the world. . .but this was a fresh kill. . .the colors were still bright, and the fur was still wet.

In this moment I thought of three things. . .

First, damn, that's sad. . .

Second, wow, I am so glad Emilee is not here. . .

Third, hmmm, there is something quite artful in that. . .

That last thought made me stop and think. . .but, since it was almost 5am, I figured, the alley and that kitten didn't deserve my neuron energy, so I went back to humming a song. . .(David Boone's --Pieces of Art--if you must know). . .I admit now, it seems a bit selfish, but what could I do to fix that situation. . .

So I wander. . .

Humming my song. . .

Taking note of street lights, and the reflection of the wet on the pavement and buildings. . .

I am not oblivious to my thoughts on the evening mind you. . .I am taking in the actions of friends and foes and creepers. . .laughing to myself, and enjoying the freedom of my choices. . .then I think to myself, we call them choices, but are they really??. . .we women are silly creatures, we are very smart, but act so dumb. . .I shan't elaborate, but I will say this. . .sometimes, I think the smartest choices we make are when we are in an inebriated state--but only if we have experience to guide us in that moment. . .tonight, as I glanced around this bar full of expats and army assholes, I thought to myself. . .yep, I am here for a year.

In full disclosure and complete honesty, this is my full-on conclusion. .

Korea breeds an incestuous group of people. . .you see, the other night a friend explained that a person in a bar asked him "how long have you been here?" My friend replied, "one month", and the guy said, "good, you haven't been corrupted. Word of advice, don't stay here too long, or you will get weird." I admit, I am embellishing the language, and I did not hear if first hand. . .but I trust my friend, and I feel my language does the situation justice. . .you see. . .

I think that what happens is expats/foreigners latch on to each other in desperation. . .Korean bars feed this desperation by creating watering holes geared specifically towards this isolation and fear--they decorate them with Kurt Cobain, and familiar flags of popular football teams. . .making us feel comfortable and safe. . .playing on our emotions . .

I have no problem with these places. . .I feel they are necessary. I enjoy them, and they make me want to create some sort of international watering hole in every alley of the U.S.

Unfortunately, what happens. . .is these places temporarily quench this desperation by catering to these people of displacement (myself included). . .in this quenching, however, an incestuousness takes over. . .people feed the insecurities of others, which leads to the obsession and passion with others of their own kind, which cultivates an elitism and obnoxious behavior. This elitism causes a disassociation with other people, and hatred towards the locals. People begin to curse the culture and the habits of those around them--it's understandable that cursing happens because you find yourself in a new world and adapting to its habits. . .HOWEVER. . .I find no need in abstaining from the practice of the natural citizens of the current world around me. . .but, I feel we may become incestuous fools out of fear. . .

So tonight I broke away from the pack. . .I said blah to them. . and wandered along. . .had a moment of food and conversation with a friend, and then grabbed my umbrella and walked. . .where i came across a smlattered cat. . .(sorry Emilee, but it's true)

That moment made me think all the previous thoughts--why, probably because I had been partaking in adult beverages, BUT. . .then I hit a major alley intersection. . .and found a man wheeling--yes in a wheel chair--down the hill (my favorite hill in my neighborhood because it is covered with glittered asphalt that sparkles perfectly in the streetlights), and I thought, Wow. . .this doesn't happen every day. . .

In that moment, I remembered . . .I am here to learn, to feed my artistic inclination, and most importantly I am here to take in the world around me. A smlattered cat in the alley and a legless man in a wheel chair are apart of that. . .so. . .

My upstairs neighbor is puking. . .there is a baby crying outside my window, and I hear the faint meow of a cat who needs shelter in the rain. . .So, I will absorb their sounds with this moment of loss in my heart (I feel no need to expand on this point). . .I will remember my purpose, and be grateful for the theatre briefly surfacing in my moment here. . .

and to you, three readers, I impart this knowledge. . .women and men act exactly the same in bars all over the world. . .the music is loud, the alcohol flows, and all of them find a need to connect, but not in any real way. . .

told you I didn't know where this blog was going. . .

so two quotes. . .first lyrics from The Be Good Tanyas - "Promise me we won't go to a night club, I really think it's obscene/what kind of people go to meet people someplace they can't be heard or seen. "

the second. . .only because it is raining. . ."the rain on my car is a baptism, the new me, Ice Man, Power Lloyd, my assault on the world begins now." --Lloyd Dobbler--Say Anything.

sleep sweet furry friends.