Some goodbyes are calm and collected, others involve yelling and screaming, while some are simply a whisper. Some are welcomed, some are hated, and some are merely part of the transaction. The ones that don't involve a burger at the drive-thru, tend to manifest differently on the people involved. It seems that every artist I've met--from musician to painter to writer--has a goodbye piece. In some way it as if the goodbye must be made tangible in order to deal with it. We have to be able to hold it and see it and feel it.
And goodbyes are not just about people. Many times, I find the leaving of a place and the experience is just as difficult as saying goodbye to the people.
Korea is one such place.
This quirky, difficult place has given me so much understanding of myself as a person and an artist.
Saying goodbye is becoming a bit difficult.
And my 'bye' isn't even for good. . .it is simply a bye for now. It's a nowbye. (at this moment, I would like to direct your attention the very first line of this blog)
It is this year of life in this place I am saying goodbye to. By leaving I am altering its effect on me. When I return, I will be different, not only because of my future experiences, but also because when I return, I will be approaching this country with a prior experience. . .not an expectation. . .never. . .but a knowledge. I wonder if this knowledge will be burden or a gift?? Only time will tell. I am anxious for it, and nervous as well.
All this said, I believe my goodbyes become tangible through the process of it. It comes in the form of . . . "this is the last. . ." moments. Doing so creates a much needed zenith to the experience. . .(I know it is also fueled by my desire of drama and story, which is encouraged by movies, literature, and music). However, it also allows for a type of resolve--a gradual serenity with the inevitable. . .and it allows for the piece of the experience to take shape in me.
And so, my process has begun. Today, I said goodbye to one of my loveliest students, and one of my worst. I indulged in Bon-juk, and an evening on my roof. Each day will be a "this is my last. . ." and I will welcome it and hate it.
Goodbyes are inevitable. I like them because they mark a new beginning (remember the first line of text?) I loathe them for the same reason.
At the moment, I have a very loud, very drunk Korean man outside my window. . .struggling with his friend, I think on whether or not he should drive. These are the moments I won't miss. . .but alas, yes I will.
Korea. . .in the words of e. e. cummings. . .I carry you in my heart.
In the way of quotes. . .I feel, I should leave you with something funny, seeing as this is a bit of darker blog. . .so one of my favorites my furry friends:
"He felt is whole life was a dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."
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