Educator's Education

I find myself in a particular situation. And I am confused on how to proceed. Perhaps I can present my predicament to you, my fine, furry friends, and you can help give me perspective.

Ahh, perspective. That thing we all unknowingly seek.

oops. Tangent.

I am surrounded by my memories. They're all scattered about the floor in disarray. And I mean this literally, in the true sense of the word. . .none of this, "I literally fell apart" bullshit. . .(no you did not literally fall apart because you are together telling me you literally fell apart--see the confusion of your inability to use words appropriately??)

ugh. Tangent.

Focusing. . . .

I decided to stay in one place. I decided to live in Charleston. I actually turned down a job in Chicago because I knew without doubt that Charleston and the opportunities being offered here were prime. Perfect. Quintessential.

Let's be clear. This was the perfect decision. I am so incredibly happy with this choice, I have an urge to hug everyone. . .even the toothless man that sits outside Food Lion. . .his smile is genuine, but I can't bring myself to embrace him. . .

fuck. Tangent.

So, now, I have things from Turkey, Korea, Ireland, and Alaska, strewn about my feet, and I am trying to figure out where to put them in this apartment I call "mine."

My apartment.

Digesting this profound idea. tic toc, tic toc, tic toc. . .

Let's discuss science. This is not a tangent, but an example to drive a thought. (the thought screams, "slow down!" but alas, it will not) Do you know about inertia? I will assume you don't, since blogging doesn't really allow for instant feedback. By definition, inertia is "a property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of motion in a straight line, unless that state is changed by an external force." Inertia.

I was a property of matter in an existing in a state of motion. . .I am no longer.

This is frightful.

So, let's work through it.

I have a confession. . .I am obsessed with travel videos.

The travel channel is my true companion.

I don't know how to explain, that I've never made the decision to stay in one place.

In the same breath, it is important to say, I am in an artistically rich community and am constantly busy with all the things I love.

In short, I have everything I need, and I am in one place. (NEED being the operative word) I don't have to pack tomorrow or next week. I don't have to worry where my next pay check will come from. I am actually painting my apartment this weekend, and next week, I am buying a couch. I also have a grocery list that includes toilet paper. I have two whole bills that come in the mail, which means. . .yes, I have an address.

I am an artist with health insurance.

I am an artist with family in arms reach.

I am scared. Because I've never lived a life like this.

I am incredibly thankful. I am surrounded by people who love me.

I am a walking dichotomy. Ouch. Yay! What?

My Mom, Dad, Sisters, closest Friends got to see me in a play. (Take your passion, and then take the person(s) you wanted to share it with and multiply it. . .) There is nothing like sharing the one thing you love with the people you cherish.

I find myself in this sea of pros. . .very few cons. . .and unable to navigate. My comfort is in instability and travel. My only truth and feeling of accomplishment is in being away. I've taken a giant leap into rooting. . .

There is an adventure in this. . .and I must trust that.

There is also interior design. . .I get to incorporate all of the memories that now lie about the floor into this place that I call home.

In addition to that. . .my growth as an artist lies in my new jobs. One, I am a teacher in a Montessori school. . .I teach 1st to 3rd graders in a pedagogy that believes that story and imagination are instrumental in education. . .This is the tip of the iceberg. . .

Oh my furry friends, there will be more. . .

My second job. . .working with a local theatre's education program.

My truth: Education is the key to the artist's survival. Education of self and of others. In doing so, you are preserving as well as generating. In fact, education is the heart of art and vice versa.

This is truth.

And the solace for my restless state.

I am in new territory. . .rooting instead of wandering.

It is frightening only because it is different. . .right now in Charleston the Monarch butterfly is all a buzz, and this in the analogy that struck me yesterday. . .it must be exhilarating and daunting for a butterfly to claw its way out of a cocoon. . .it went in knowing one way and one body, and is coming out to a completely different way and body. . .

I am certainly not a butterfly, but I understand its (projected) trepidation, and I appreciate and learn from its ability to fly into the unknown.

And now a quote. . .

"Education is a natural process carried out by the human being and is not acquired by listening to words but by experiencing in the environment." --Maria Montessori.

A song. . .it's funny. . .I was driving from Chicago to SC with my Ipod on shuffle. . .this song came on. . .I pulled over, and cried. It truly was the moment when I began to question going back to Korea. . .and this song, she still comes back on shuffle, I catch my breath. . .much like what happens with me and Radiohead's No Surprises. . .

This is Daisy May, Shoreline

http://new.music.yahoo.com/daisy-may/tracks/shoreline--179441005

and the picture. . .the last character I played. . .Rita. . .in this moment she didn't know what was in store for her. . .just spouting about the things she saw and experienced. Much like I feel right now, and it is her, and this role, that catapulted me in this new life moment.