a blog within a blog

Forgive me internet, it's been weeks since my last confession. . .

I have only one confession. . .I find blogging narcissistic--because it is. . .ooh, I am so deep and profound. . .but I think that is why I haven't done it in a while. . .I feel, I dunno, egotistical. . .

I come to this vacant page in cyberspace, fill it with my ramblings, and post it for all the world to see. Then, I post it onto my equally vainglorious Facebook page to ensure people know about it.

Perhaps, I am not as humble as I think I am.

I do like to hear myself write.

. . .even more so, I adore writing sentences that make no sense. . .

The things you ponder while living in Korea. . .ah yes, Korea. . .let's get on to that, shall we? Or you can simply stop reading here. . .your choice, but don't you want to know about the orangutan? Read on. . .

Simply put--I am enchanted with Korea.

I admit, I was not sure at first. I felt overwhelmed and very unsure. The language--frustrating, the culture--intimidating, the ex-pat scene--typical and somewhat nauseating. The isolation from all my physical and familial comforts forced my introverted self to come out swinging (I appreciate the oxymoronic image in this last statement, and am keeping it on flibbertygibbit principle).

But time slowly went forward and so did I. . .

I have friends, have had some adventures, and I find myself venturing more often than usual. And in doing so, am growing to love this place.

The people here are incredible.

Last night, two friends prepared a traditional Chuesok (Korean Thanksgiving) meal, which consisted of shark, kimchi pancake, rice dumplings, something delicious wrapped in egg, and bi-bim-bap. The conversation was decadent and entertaining, and I found myself walking away quite content.

When language is limited, simple conversation becomes an event. Especially for me. Words are chosen carefully, ideas become fuller. Always looking for the precise word to perfectly clarify the meaning. I feel at times like it is an olympic sport. It is truly delicious. . .and daunting.

I have only made it out of Daegu once. . .and that was to go to the Haesina Temple, which is gorgeous and well worth the journey.

My lack of travel bothered me at first. . .how dare I be in this new part of the world and not explore every second of every moment??!?! But, the thing is. . every day is a new discovery--and I don't mean that in the cliched-mystical-hippy way (blah!). . .I mean, that every day, I find out something new. . .for example, I recently discovered the museum--so cool! And before that, I learned that in order to buy produce, you must first give it to the little man who puts it in a bag and then gives you a number--you cannot simply take an apple to the cash register. . .this causes the whole system to shut down and people to vocalize their frustration at you in seemingly incomprehensible utterances. . .(I'm just saying)

Also, I really like to chill at home. . .in my own space. . .MY OWN SPACE. . .have not had that for ages. . .and I relish it.

I do have a trip to Busan planned for next weekend, and a trip down to an island where some friends live. . .so I am getting out there. . .

I think I needed a period of adjustment.

Some other snippets from the goings on in my life here. . .

Every day I stop in at the Caffe Bene and see my sweet little crew of baristas. . .they ask me how my day is, and say things like "you are my friend." and "enjoy. delicious." They make me happy.

I found a lovely restaurant that serves up a mean pig spine soup, that nourishes and cleanses. . .

The heat is dwindling, and cooler air is on the horizon. . .

I've learned three chords on the guitar. . .

I am running six days a week, and hiking/walking on the seventh day. . .

My students give me the giggles on a daily basis. . .on a critical thinking project last week, they had to design a tomb for a pharaoh--complete with security features. One group designed a tomb that lived in the ocean, the section on the surface was shaped like poo and had an odor. In the top of the "poo" was a fake mummy-pharaoh, and the real one was stored at the bottom, which was 100 meters below the water's surface. . .it had a maze, and a three-headed snake. The drawing is impeccable, and will be going on my wall in my future house.

Also, I had an amazing performance theory moment. . .we were discussing whether or not words mean something if there is no action to back them up. . .and I brought up the ideas of J.L. Austin's--How To Do Things with Words--and his concept that words do perform. For example, saying "I do" at a marriage ceremony. . .simply saying those words change your state of being. Not metaphorically, but truly. . .uttering those two words in ceremony change your status. . .(it's more complicated than that. . you should check it out). . .either way, I explained the simple form to my students, and they got it! It was a really cool moment. . .

I got to be in a play with the Daegu Theatre Troupe. . .

Perform a monologue. . .

Coach a friend into an amazing performance of his own. . .

And create a theatre program at the school. . .and the kids were amazing.

So, I am in Korea and I am still able to make theatre central to my life, not only that, but I am allowing new experiences into my life to help shape my art.

So, I guess these snippets, and random thoughts culminate to the following life conclusion in this moment:

I am still an artist. . .I thought, for a time, I had put that aspect of myself on hold. . .

But I didn't. . .I can't. . .and I am relieved to know that.

So, I guess these narcissistic inclinations that cause me to blog also allow me discover bits about myself I didn't know before--and all I had to do was fill yet another small micro-section of this infinite internet space. . .that's positive for me, and I hope in a small way for you. . .

My furry friends. . .two quotes. . .as sleep beckons me. . .

"if a man knew anything, he would sit in a corner and be modest; but he is such an ignorant peacock, that he goes bustling up and down, and hits upon extraordinary discoveries." --R.W. Emerson

"in wisdom gathered over time, I find that every experience is a form of exploration" --Ansel Adams

Play on. . .Game on. . .Party on. . .

Oh, and about the Orangutan. . .um, read Murders in the Rue Morgue. . .*grin*

but I'm a blog. . .i'm a blogger. . .what the hell am I doin' here?

Two years ago, a friend and I were wandering down a trail back in Missoula. . .we had delicious sandwiches in our bags and our bikes to our sides. We wanted to walk and talk, so we just pushed our bikes down the gravel road. We were discussing the coming year. . .I was about to embark on my last year of grad school, and at the end of that year, I would be moving away from my home of three years, and catapulting myself into the world once again. . .

See, change was on the horizon and my friend and I had to deal with the consequences of that coming change.

Change. . .it comes in all shapes and sizes. . .sometimes it is subtle like the noticing of a new freckle, sometimes it is bold like a sudden lightening storm, sometimes it goes jingle-jingle in your pocket (see what I did there?). . .however, it happens. . .most people find it unnerving. My friend and I did that day. . .

I have to admit. . .I was ready to go. I loved that home, I loved Missoula, but I was ready to leave. I wanted to see where I would go. Trepidation certainly lurked in my gut, but as always, I looked at the world and the future with endless possibilities. My friend was a bit more hesitant. . .rightly so. What would we do without each other? She was my confidante. . .she was there to encourage me when my ridiculous relationships inevitably fell apart, she was there to celebrate every one of my performances, and she was even there when the insidious influenza wreaked havoc on my body. . .but. . .

I had to move on. . .

and so did she. . .

we just didn't like the idea. . .

but, I graduated (with straight A's for all three years--thank you), and I moved out. . .went on tour, and then moved to South Korea. . .

Change came. . .

as it always does. . .

In fact. . .Change just keeps on a' comin'. . .no matter where you are. . .BUT, I think change happens more frequently in South Korea, than anywhere else. .

Yesterday, there was a building in my alley. . .today, that building is gone. . .tomorrow, I bet there will be a newer and better building in that same spot. Koreans are perfect at makeovers. They would put 'Extreme Makeover' to shame. One day, there is a run down sort of store that sells beer and soju, and the next day, it is turned into a clinic that sells Biotech Body Products. . .whatever that is. . .there is no in between. . .when South Korean business men decide something needs to change, they do it swiftly and stylishly. . .

Now, if only one of them made the decision to modify the malodorous essence of this place. . . but that's another blog. . .

Accordingly, my life is in concurrence with the changing architecture. There is no sense of settlement in the life of an English Teacher in Korea. . .it is the embodiment of the transient lifestyle even though you are in one place. . .

let me explain. . .

People are on yearly contracts. . .and these contracts expire all the time. . .no one is ever on the same schedule. . .just like birthdays, you rarely find yourself on the same track as someone else. . .so you are either saying welcome, or saying goodbye on a daily basis. . .AND not only are people always coming and going, but you also find yourself amongst an extremely broad range of personalities, which are daunting, frustrating, and in those small moments exciting.

But, because time, place and people are so precarious. . .we are constantly juggling in and out of sorts. . .

We are constantly changing. . .

For one who traveled for nearly 10 years, you would think this lifestyle would be easy. . .It isn't. . .because, as I learn how precious time and people are throughout my travels, I invest more into them. . .so, losing them becomes harder.

Don't get me wrong. . .I always get a good return on the investment. . .

This summer, I made a lovely new friend. . .he came, he saw, he conquered Korea, and now he is gone. . .

In his wake, he leaves in me a new inspiration to learn guitar (I now know an E minor and an E major). . .I also gained lots of good times, memories, and friends. . .

However. . .

Like Shakespeare says. . ."parting is such sweet sorrow. .

'tis true. . .

But in the next line he says. . .

"I shall say goodnight till it be morrow."

We want the actual parting to be quick. . .so we can get to the missing, and so we know the 'meeting up' will be sooner, but because life is flippant and idiosyncratic, meeting up isn't guaranteed. . .

So. . . . .the ellipses in the last sentence note a pass in time. . .in the midst of writing, a Korean friend called me to hang out with him and his friends at a bar called Bar Gent. . .these are good people, good friends. . who miss (very much) my previously mentioned good friend. All of them, too, talked about change, we listened to songs about change and circumstance. . .we sang out loud to many of them. . .it was fun, it was sad, it was perfect. . .

My thought is this. . .the cliche is. . ."change is inevitable". . .yes. . .I agree. . .however, in dealing with the change we do find a bit of ourselves. . .I change when wonderful people walk into my life, and I change when they walk out.

My point is. . .we can't just note the change when bad things happen or even when the inevitable is on the horizon. . .we have to embrace all forms of change. . .the good and the bad and the architecture. . .(there is no ugly)

By investing everything we have into something, we get beautiful relationships and gorgeous buildings and amazing ideas. . .I think change comes from just 'doing life'. . .whatever that means.

By all means, fear it. . .cry at it. . .even flail your arms in a very gay like manner, but in the end, cherish the fact that all of it is a piece of you. . .

it has nothing to do with God, fate, or whatever religion you prescribe to. . .it has everything to do with taking it all as is. . .I learned that tonight. I hope you learn it, right now. . . DO IT NOW. . .(okay, you don't have to, but you'll regret it)

Now, my dear lovely readers. . .know, that I do love you no matter what you do. Because if you embrace life, cherish it, and take its adventures into your arms (whether it be through travel, marriage, parenthood, all three, or as a singleton). . .remember, in doing so, your passion becomes contagious. . .

and your quote. . .well two quotes. ..

"Our letters sound the same. Full of all our changing, that isn't change at all. Straight lines circle some times"--the Weakerthans-Left and Leaving

"Life belongs to the living. . .and he who lives, must live with changes. . "Goethe (one of my favorite people who inhabited the earth)

simple but easy quotes my furry friends. . .I had a lovely and unexpected night tonight because I went with the flow, and let what would be, be. . .I think if you remember the quote of my friend's mom in high school. . ."lock your door, wear your seatbelt, and remember who you are" (the last bit being the most important) then all will be well.

tight sleep. . .sleep sweet:)